The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Randomize
