I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
I have fence marks all over my body
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
Randomize
