Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
Randomize