Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
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