I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
Randomize
