singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
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