do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
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