If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
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