Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
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