She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
Randomize
