He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Randomize
