she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
I intend to get homeless drunk
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
You did what with his pubic hair?
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
