Do you still have your period?
I cockslap morals
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
Randomize
