paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
tonight lets celebrate not being married
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
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