If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
Randomize
