SEEEEXXX PLEASE
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
Terrible idea I love it
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
