Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
