Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
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