Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
do herpes really smell.
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
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