They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Randomize
