Duck Duck Cougar?
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
