i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Randomize
