It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
Randomize
