There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
