; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
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