I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
I got inside last night via doggy door
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
