I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize
