Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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