she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
should my penis look like a turkey
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Randomize
