Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
Your cock deserves a montage
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
Randomize
