So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Randomize