tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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