what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
