doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
Randomize
