the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
Randomize
