somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Randomize
