just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
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