I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
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