I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
My hand turned me down
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
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