At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
Randomize
