just do it
fine only cuz shes asian
On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
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