There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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