Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
dude i'm inner monologue high
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
I'm having to shit out rocks
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize