Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
She looked like Sean Connery with cleft lip. So to answer your question, yes I put it in her butt.
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
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