oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Randomize