I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Randomize
