when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
Randomize
