At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
