i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
