dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
Randomize
