you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
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