If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
Randomize
