Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Randomize
