When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
Randomize
