I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
