The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
How external is "for external use only"?
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
Randomize
