She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
