Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Randomize