she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
Boobs are out for the taking
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
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