Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
my poor anus
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
