the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
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