so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
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