In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
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