Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
