OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
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