Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
Randomize
